This post was inspired by some recent conversations I have been having with another ActiveRain member. I will leave that member anonymous unless of course they want to chime in.
Anyway, it seems that this particular person’s message keeps getting lost because of their presentation. Their presentation is always full of harsh criticism, focus on others, blame and an unwillingness to “open their mind” to other possibilities. They are not the only one. We have all fallen into this trap before.
It happens when we disagree with someone and instead of responding we react. Responding is taking the time to think things through and then debating the topic with a calm and well thought out response. It implies listening beyond the words and reflecting the feelings. That’s why it’s important to know what perspective folks are coming from. How are they looking at this situation? Responding is most likely to create a climate where honest, frank communication can occur.
By taking the time to try and understand the other parties perspective we are in a better position to present our thoughts where they have a better chance of being received. Responding is the mature way to communicate and debate.
On the other hand is reaction. Reaction is based on strong emotions and is an immature way to communicate or debate. You will notice this when you see folks who blame others more often, criticize harshly and take offense easily. Their focus is on others. They want instant solutions instead of exploring opposing options. They don’t see how they can be contributing to the problem. They are closed minded. Unfortunately when you are in reactive mode others sense this and get defensive. It prohibits productive discourse.
The Bowen Theory states that we are all connected emotionally. Our thoughts, actions and feelings affect others around us. What this means is when someone is being reactive others around them become reactive. And from there the conversation goes down hill real quick.
So the solution is, as hard as may be, to step back and think before RESPONDING to a reactive comment. Be the calming force and the voice of reason.
This my friends is one of the steps to becoming, not only a leader, but a good communicator. By applying this to your business you will become better at what you do and also a person that people want to work with.
Being a responsive person in a reactive world is not easy. But it is achievable. Food for thought on a Sunday afternoon. These are mine….what are yours?
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